I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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