i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
