____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
