i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
