The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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