She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
