i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
