You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
