I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
