yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
