just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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