Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
