fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
