Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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