he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
