How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think people are normalizing furries
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
