I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
