remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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