Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
