Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
