Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
