it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
