its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
