Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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