what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We have started to decorate penises.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
