i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
