He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
