I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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