I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
