worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
