it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
