so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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