she looked like the before picture.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
