gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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