So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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