wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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