apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
