Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
