I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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