I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
