you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
