so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
