I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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