She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
