My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
