you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
