i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
