Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
