remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
