you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
