I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
