It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
