I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
