You're my little dorito
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
