Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
