sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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